Lent 4: Psalm 32; 2 Corinthians 5:16-21; Luke 15:1-3, 11b-32
March 14, 2010
Sibling rivalries and jealousies are very common. We could all tell our tale of what it was like to be a younger or the youngest child growing up as well as the oldest. If you are the oldest did you ever feel that your younger brothers or sisters got away with things more than you ever did, that your parents were more lenient toward them than you. You had to be the better example for them to follow. How many still think that? And if you are a younger or the youngest child did you grow up in the shadow of an older sibling(s)? How did you feel about that? Any resentment?
Those who heard Jesus tell a story about a father with two sons would have been reminded not only of their own sibling rivalries, but also the stories in their family tree on the same theme. There are several in the Old Testament. The children of Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel. There is the family of Isaac and his two sons, Esau and Jacob, the family of Jacob and his 12 sons, and the family of Jesse and his sons and David the youngest.
If one word could describe the families it would be 'dysfunctional.' Cain kills Abel out of jealousy. Jacob is a trickster who takes away Esau's birthright, and the family blessing by deceiving his father as he lay dying, and later steals from his in-laws. Yet, despite all this Jacob is chosen to be the heir of God's promises rather than Esau.
Jacob's family is dysfunctional too. His older children don't like their younger brother Joseph because of his superiority complex. And so one day they sell him to a caravan of traders bound for Egypt and then lie to their father that he was killed by a lion.
The prophet Samuel is sent by the Lord to find a successor to King Saul from the family of Jesse. The older sons pass before the prophet, but it is the youngest, David who is chosen.
In the parable Jesus tells the family is dysfunctional too. One son asks for his share of his father's estate that he would normally receive when his father died. He is treating his father as if he is already dead. And so there is no warm, cozy relationship here to begin with.
Then the son leaves home and travels to a far country where he squanders away everything he has in loose living while the other son stays at home, obeys his father and does his duty. We would normally expect the older son to be commended and rewarded for his faithfulness. But instead it is the younger son who receives preferential treatment when he returns while the eldest feels cheated.
We know this story mostly as the Parable of the Prodigal Son. In other words, we put most of the emphasis on the son who did everything wrong. But actually the word "prodigal" means to be extravagant in some way. To have an overabundance of something. Each family member shows extravagance albeit in different forms. The youngest son is extravagant in loose living. The eldest is extravagant with jealousy and self-righteousness. The father is extravagant with love and mercy.
We likely will identify with one or more of these to a degree. Maybe there was a time when we were in a desperate situation like the younger son and it was someone's mercy and forgiveness that saved us. Maybe we have been the older sibling who saw the faults of everyone, except their own. Maybe we identify with the father who says in effect to 'let bygones be bygones.' There is a tremendous relief that comes from letting go of all the squabbles of the past and starting over. Extravagant grace can shed a lot of weight that we carry on the inside.
Applying this to family life today I wonder why the father allows his son so much freedom to go far away and lose himself. Most of us would probably be interested in where our son or daughter was going for the evening, let alone to a far country. We would want to know what they were going to do there, whether there was a church they could attend, and what kind of people with whom they would be associating. We would expect letters back home, emails now and talks on the phone once in awhile.
The father in the parable by contrast allows a lot more freedom than we would. Many times we tend to be over-protective. We don't want our child to fail. We want them to succeed. Make straight A's, be cautious, use common sense. We want to shelter them from foreign influences and avoid evil temptations. Follow the rules! Stay in touch. Go to church. Stay close to God. And if we do our parenting right, our children will turn out to be perfect just like the elder son. Right?
Now if anyone thinks this we need to take look at ourselves first. John Wesley believed we are going on to perfection, but we will never get there except for a fleeting moment or two in this life. No one is perfect which means we all fail at some point.
This raises a tension then about what level of protectiveness is appropriate. If we are too protective to the point where we are afraid for a child to fail, then we may end up teaching them never to venture anything at all. And so if they do experience a failure at some point they may actually become very ashamed of this and find it difficult to bounce back. If we are not protective enough, the risk then is that they may end up losing their life. What's the proper balance then between being not protective enough and being over protective.
In the parable the father allows enough freedom for his son to experience for himself what it was like to fail. Out of his desperation then he recognizes his need for his father. Children need a measure of freedom to fail precisely because no one is perfect. It happens to everyone. How many times does an infant fall down before they finally learn to walk? By owning up to our failures, we learn that perfection is always a work in process. No one has arrived yet which is why we need other people. It's why we need faith and why we need to work together and help one another. We can learn a lot from our failures.
It is easy to become trapped in a dream world that doesn't exist. Like the older son we think that we should always be rewarded for being good according to our merit. God will keep on blessing us because we are good. We may compare ourselves to others who have less and feel superior. But if at some point we lose our job, or we become ill and can't work, or our family falls apart, or we have an accident and become crippled for life, then our whole self assured world can come crashing down around us. And so what then? How easy to become jealous of others and wonder 'why do good things happen to people who are not so good.' Well, join the club.
God's family has always been dysfunctional, far from perfect. But God keeps working to keep the family together, solve their problems and accomplish their mission. God let Cain live. Jacob and Esau eventually reconciled. As did Joseph and his brothers. Despite all the dysfunction God never gave up. And this is exactly what we see in the parable of the prodigals, a father who doesn't give up on his family.
This story may be based on a real family Jesus knew. One wonders then if this family ever reconciled and made peace. That would be the happy ending which sadly doesn't always happen in the real world. But it could happen and it can happen, if those involved let go of their grievances and learn to forgive one another. Then a family can make a new beginning.
In this spirit Paul writes that we regard no one from a human point of view even though at one time he looked upon Christ this way. Paul was really like the elder son at first. He persecuted the followers of Jesus because of they were straying away from the laws of Moses. But after his conversion he looked upon Jesus in a different way and became the Apostle of God's grace and love toward all sinners which means everybody.
"If anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation." We no longer see one another in terms of our faults and all the things we don't like. But rather we see one another in terms of who we are becoming in Christ. When see Christ we see a new creation, where the old person has passed away and a new person has been born.
The life, death and resurrection of Jesus is itself the true ending intended for the parable of the prodigal family. The ending is not just for our blood families, but for all the family of God. Like the example of this earthly father Jesus seizes his destiny to be the one who reaches out to all the 'wayward' ones of this world, the righteous and unrighteous alike (no one is perfect) in order to manifest God's unconditional love and grace. What the earthly father does for his younger son, Jesus will do for the whole world on the cross in Jerusalem.
It will always be a mystery why God allows his children the freedom to fail. But on the other hand, Jesus bears witness that God is always at work to overcome the excesses of freedom through forgiveness and steadfast love. The model for this is heaven itself. It is the kingdom of God for which we pray every week in the prayer of Jesus. "Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven."
As the followers of Jesus we are called to the ministry of reconciliation where all the dysfunction we see and regret in the human family even now can be and is overcome through the reconciling power of God's love and grace in Jesus Christ.